Day 10

This is not a very attractive picture, but here is my day 10 Vlog

Memorial Day VLOGG

Here is today's VLOG
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rk-inaT08bE&feature=BFa&list=ULPP_i-terMlI&index=2

Vlogging until I get put back on my regular meds

For some reason, the anxiety meds that the hospital prescribed for me, don't allow my brain to function properly, this is not a joke.  So, until my meds  get switched, here are my thoughts in video form.  Keep in mind, my thought are funnier read then spoken

Hospital stay.

As may people may know, I can in to Presbertatrian on May 23, and I was supposed to have let by wednesday.  Well, I am still here!  The surgeron needed to open my patch opening because it was a litlle bit to small.  My opening was 2ccs, hardly able to get water down.  I normal post-op surgery in 10cc-15cc.  Yesterday he made mine 8cc, and so far, I have been about to keep all of my little ice chips down.  I havent been able to type, So Mark helped me make some vlogs.  So that is all for today, check out the beofre pics, and vlogs, and hopefully I will be back to regular blogging shortly.

regular pics

Pre-Op Waiting Area

I am in surgery, family is waiting

Mark is in charge of all outgoing intell

Jayson being the ham that he is

Out of recovery

Out of recovery and all I wanted to do was walk.  Dr. V's strict orders of walk and sip, walk and sip

I didn't even make it out the room.....

End of 1st day shenanigans.

Starting out pics. There are pictures I tool the night before starting the liquid diet.

10 down and 3 to go!

Today I went to my pre-op visit with the anesthesiologist and all went well.  There were challenges to get there, like not being able to find a sub, leaving later than expected, getting lost, but I made it.  When I was there they weighed me and I am FINALLY down 10lbs!  I was super excited to finally make it to the big 1-0.  Even though losing 10lbs was amazing, I think the best part of my day was leaving school.  When I was walking out, my students all tackled me with hugs.  It felt so nice to see how many of them care about me, I am truly going to miss them while I am gone.

On a happier note, only 3 days to go!  I kind of feel a little unprepared, even though I have been to 5 different classes,  and a support group.  For example, today I had to ask my Mom what pureed food is, I though I had to turn everything into soup.  Glad I asked because that was not the case.  I also need to think about what to take to the hospital with me.  I guess tomorrow can be a hospital shopping day.  I am still confused on how I am supposed to get 80g of protein a day if I can't eat a lot.  I guess as the questions and problems arise, I will use my supports, like Dr. V's office, Obesityhelp.com, my support group, and of course my Mommy.

I suppose that is all for right now.  Hopefully I will remember to post on Sunday night with my last minute thoughts.  Thank you to everyone for all the love you have shown me!

Jackie's Fabulous Weight Loss Goals

Many people have been asking me, "What made you want the surgery"?  To me the answer is obvious, I don't want to be fat anymore, DUH!  But, so I don't sound vain, I tell them about health problems and what not.  I have started thinking of all of the real reasons I want surgery, so I figured I would share them with you.

Now, I know this is a first, 2 entries in a week, but I am procrastinating doing my geometry homework, and this was a good reason to put it on hold.

Without further delay:
JACKIE'S FABULOUS WEIGHT LOSS GOALS
1. Get pregnant, I want a baby already!
2. Ride Harry Potter's Forbidden Journey
3. Wear a dress without having to wear spanx
4. Shop in a non-plus size store
5. Not always be the biggest one when I go out with a group of friends
6. For my scale to not say OL (overload) when I step on it
7. My students to call me a Bitch, as opposed to a Fat Bitch or Fat Ass Bitch
8. Wear jeans without having a muffin top
9. Go to the mall with out trying to start a fight because some douche is talking about me
10. Have another wedding with Mark, or at least take pictures in a skinny bride dress, without a double chin
11. NO MORE DOUBLE CHIN!  I want to punch Sam from high school in the face for always making fun of it.  BTW, she looks like a damn monkey
12. Look good at my 10 year high school reunion.  I can't believe it will be next year!
13. My Grandma's ring to fit me again
14. Be under 200 pounds
15. Actually be able to say I am bloated due to my period, not just bloated because I am always bloated
16. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing
17. Walk in my classroom without my ass hitting the desks
18. Fit in my own seat in an airplane.  Thanks for always sharing yours with me Mark!
19. Be able to cross my legs without having to pull my leg up
20. Not be slapped in the face by my arm fat

I am sure I will come up with more to add to this list in the future, so keep your eyes out for updates.  Thanks to everyone for all of their support!

Liquid Diet Lameness

For the past 2 weeks, I have been checking off items on my food bucket list.  I ate all the food that I love, because after surgery, I may not ever be able to eat them again.  I went to my favorite restaurants in Orlando and around here, and made an amazing lasagna for Mother's Day.  With all the food out of the way, I was ready to start my liquid diet on Monday.  

Well, Monday came around, and by 11am, I was ready to chew my arm off.   According to the surgeon, when you have surgery, you need to be on a 2 week liquid diet to shrink the size of your liver.  Since my liver is already enlarged, I understand the purpose.  But, only being able to eat 1000 calories a day is NUTS!  I understand that once I have the surgery, I will be eating under 1000 calories a day, but I still have a very large stomach, so I feel this should be more.  

On Monday, I drank a chocolate EAS protein shake for breakfast (it was pretty good), a strawberry protein shake (DISGUSTING!) and tomato soup for lunch, and bean and bacon soup (pureed and diluted) for dinner.  I was starving, but luckily the support group meeting was Monday night, so me and Mark went there where I begged for liquid diet support.  The support group was great, and so was Mark.  We both learned a lot, and I walked away knowing it gets better.

When Tuesday came around, I felt a little better, had only a chocolate shake for lunch, and added another shake for dinner.  Mark also made me lift weights while sitting on the couch (something he learned from the support group), and bought me a bunch of snacks that people recommended.

Today I went to my What to Expect in Surgery class with my Mom, and learned some more interesting things.  Since we were out during "lunch" time and had no access to our usual shakes, we were STARVING!  I mean, we were about to pass out, it was really bad.  We were in Target, and we went to Starbucks, who has a smoothie with dark cocoa, soy milk, protein and fiber powder, and a banana.  It was so good, and I am so excited that they offer a protein rich drink.  Thank you Starbucks!

Now for the bad.  Since I have been starving myself for the past two days, I figured I should have lost a substantial amount of weight.  I have not cheated at all, and I have been tempted so many times but have resisted.  I knew my Mom has lost 6lbs from her liquid diet over the past 2 days, so I felt as though mine should be the same. Well, I got on the scale, and I have only lost 2lbs.  I know you are thinking "Two pounds is good too", but when you are going through the day light headed and hungry, it's not enough.  I was devastated by my results.  I am literally starving myself,  I am eating a third of what I typically eat, and I only lost 2 damn pounds?!?!!  I am still mad about it.  Once I saw my dismal results, I was ready to eat something, pizza sounds amazing.  But, I didn't and I am still trucking on.  I am sitting here light headed because I am hungry, but the pizza in the freezer is still sitting there, because I know it's what I am supposed to do.  Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully I will see some results soon.

A tragic day turned bright

I am currently on spring break, and I convinced my loving husband that we should make the 8 hour journey from NC to Orlando, FL.  He agreed and I was super excited to FINALLY visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  I have personally loved Harry and his friends for the last 9 years.  I have seen every Harry Potter movie at the midnight releases, and I have purchased books 5, 6, and 7, at midnight when they came out.  To say I am a Harry Potter fan would be an understatement.

So, today we wake up bright and early to go to Universal Island of Adventure and try to beat the crowd to Harry Potter.  I even skipped breakfast, which you know is a big deal for a girl like me.  We got to the park 40mins before it opened, and stood in line at the gate to be the 2nd people in.  Once the gates opened, people ran, and I speed walked towards Harry Potter.  It was quite a trek, and I am grateful my husband would help pull me along.  With the humidity frizzing my hair, and making sweat literally pour off my face, I was starting to feel down because I kept seeing all these fit people blaze past us.  But then I saw it, the snow covered rooftops of Hogsmeade Village!  My face instantly lit up and I pushed myself a little harder so that we would get to the ride faster. 

Once we make it to the new ride, Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey,  I discreetly walk over to an employee to find out which seats are the largest.  I waited on one to many lines only to get to the ride and be asked to get off because I don't fit.  With my new knowledge I felt excited that I would be seeing Harry very soon, especially since this is a brand new attraction, and the majority of America is considered overweight, I felt confident there would be no problem with me getting on the ride.  Well, I was wrong.

While we were in line, so close to getting on the ride, I start to panic because I see employees selecting people out of the line to sit in a test seat to see if they will fit on the ride.  I knew they were going to choose me, and sure enough an employee asks "Have you ridden this ride before?  No, ok, come with me so we can make sure you will be safe (you will fit) on the ride."  So I step out of line and sit in this seat, right in front of the people in line, and suck in as best as I could while the employee tries to push the harness down... No dice... It didn't fit.  Big Surprise...  He informs me that I would not be able to ride the ride, and I loose it.

I put my head in my hands and start to hysterically sob.  I felt so embarassed, disappointed, disguseted, angry, hurt, depressed, and the list goes on.  Somehow, I was guided through to the area where the people get off the ride, and I sat there sobbing into my hands over the heartbreak I was feeling.  Mark, and 2 employees tried to console me, but it was to no avail.  I stood in the area sobbing hardly and loudly for over 45mins.  My husband started crying at seeing me so upset.  The employee even tried to escort me onto the ride and try again, but it still didn't work.  It then became offical, I am too fat to ride the Harry Potter ride. 

When we exit, we go through the gift shop, and I didn't even look at anything.  All through the whole village, I don't bother to look at or touch anything.  I just walked with my sunglasses on and head down.  I called my Mom to tell her what happened, and then the hysterics started again.  My husband and I started walking to guest services to try to get a refund, and my super awesome mom, called to tell me that her and my dad would take me back to Harry Potter once I have my surgery (which is now in 26 days).

When we get to guest services, Mark tells the attendant what happened and while he is telling the story, the waterworks and sobbing start all over again.  At least this time, it only lasted for 35mins.  The gentleman was kind enough to give us both a pass to comeback after my surgery, and he said it could be a big celebration.  Even though I was not in a celebrating mood, he had a point.  I was happy that he was understanding of the situation.  After we left there, I went to wash my face, and go back into the park.  We went on spiderman and played in the arcade for a little bit.  We then made our way all the way back to Harry Potter, and ate lunch.  After lunch, I decide I want to go into Olivanders and try to use the fastpass that the ride people gave me.  She said they don't take fastpasses, but she will get me into the next show.  I thought this was really nice, and we started talking.  She was telling me that she had similar experiences (she is probably a size 10/12), so she knew what I was going through.  She stepped inside the attraction, and came out to let in the new show, which included us.  Little did I know that she suggested to Olivander (in secret of course) that I help him to demonstrate his wands.  When he walked over to me, I knew what she had done, and I was completly shocked.  I was so touched at the thoughfulness of this stranger that I almost started to cry. 

With the help of the gentleman in guest services and the really awesome Olivander's attendant.  I was able to enjoy the rest of my day.  I was so happy to see that even strangers can provide support, even if it is unexpected.  I now have even more of a drive to succeed in my surgery, because I really want to be able to go back and enjoy Harry Potter like everyone else.

The Journey Thus Far

How it all began...
Out of the 27 years of my life, I have been overweight for 23 of them.  I am not just talking about being a few pounds overweight, I should say "morbidly obese".  Weight has been a struggle of mine since I was a little girl, it probably has something to do with the fact that I grew up in an Italian household, where food is what brought everyone together.  


Growing up overweight was hard.  I, like most other overweight people, had to deal with the teasing and bullying that came with my larger size.  Along with my size, I, of course, developed a "great personality".  I had lots of friends, and eventually I learned to tune people out.  There still are times when the staring and laughing hurts, but I get over it pretty quickly.


I have been on all sorts of diets, and tried many different types of drugs and supplements, to try and keep my weight down.  Some of them worked a little, but the weight never stayed off for more than a few years.  A few years back, I entertained the idea of weight loss surgery, but then I decided I would try and lose weight on my own, and I did.  I  lost 88lbs and kept it off for over 2 years.  I started to gain the weight back once I graduated college, probably because I was able to afford real food, and I didn't have the free 24hour gym to go to.  For the next few years, I gained weight, but I was really happy with who I was, so it didn't bother me.


Now...
The trouble came when I got married to my amazing husband in September of 2010.  My husband loved, and still loves, me regardless of my size.  After 2 months of being married, we decided to try to have a baby.  Well, that didn't work out too well.  When I went to the doctor, she said that since I am so overweight, its going to be extremely difficult for me to get pregnant.  She also informed me, that at my weight, she would not help me get pregnant since it would be very dangerous for me and my baby.  With this news, my husband and I decided to wait on having kids for a few years.  I then went on being completely happy with the life I had.


It wasn't until I went to my regular doctor for heartburn, that I found out I had a medical problem.  Through some blood work, and a CT scan, my doctor discovered that I have an enlarged fatty liver due to my extreme obesity.  It was at that point, that I decided, that I have hit rock bottom, and need to make a permanent change.  So, I went to an information session with my supportive husband, in Decemeber of 2010, and started the process of trying to get Gastric Bypass Surgery.


It has been a roller coaster ever since.  I met with the surgeon on December 31, 2010, and he told me that I am an excellent candidate for the surgery.  I had to do a bunch of things before my request would even be submitted to the insurance.  After I had everything done, it took over a month of calling and harassing the outsider providers, to finally get everything faxed in.  Once everything was faxed in, the surgeon then had to review them, which took another week and a half.  On April 18th, my request was finally submitted to the insurance company!  Now, it was just going to be a waiting game.


I was prepared to wait at least another 2 weeks to hear anything back.  To my surprise, on April 21, right after school let out for spring break, the front office paged and said that I had a call on line 1.  I walked to the phone dreading picking it up, because I didn't want to talk to any parents, I wanted to go home. To my surprise, it was the surgeons office telling me that I have been approved for surgery!!!!!!  I screamed, and cried, and screamed again.  It felt like I had just won the lottery.  Once I calmed down a little bit, I was given a surgery date of May 23, 2011.  I had actually thought it would be later since the typical wait time from approval to surgery is usually 2.5 months.


After I hung up the phone, I started running around school and told everyone that I passed, that I wouldn't be fat anymore in a month and 2 days.  Too bad I don't run like that everyday.  I ran to tell the front office lady, because she also had the bypass surgery, and she has been my sounding board for the last 4 months.  After informing my supportive principal that I will be out for 2 weeks starting May 23, I went back to my classroom, and started to cry.  I called my Mom and then my husband about the great news.  They were both very happy, as they have been supportive since day 1.


When I got home that night, my husband gave me a huge kiss, and reassured me that he would love me even if I was skinny.  I decided that I wanted to document my journey, to help others who are going through the same thing.  I plan on taking tons of photos throughout, to show my weight loss.  I may even create a scrapbook about it.  I am now going to start going to the gym, so when I start rapidly losing the weight, my muscles will be toned and my skin hopefully wont sag.  I am also going to start taking biotin, so that my beautiful hair won't thin.  I am looking so forward to this journey, and I am planning on sharing all of the ups and downs on here.  Stay tuned....   :)